Imagine a community celebration in which young girls entering puberty are honored with song, dance, stories and gifts; an event attended by all their friends and relatives; an event to be remembered for a lifetime.  In honor of the awe-inspiring creative force that is manifesting within them, their elders gather to offer encouragement and guidance.  This has been the experience of many young women throughout history and is a tradition carried on in some places even today. 

Girls in our culture receive a very different message.  Indeed, it has been called the “Wrongs of Passage” because of the resounding silence with which our culture greets a young woman at the advent of puberty, and the derision or embarrassment she often encounters when women’s cycles are mentioned.  She may easily conclude that menstruation is something to be tolerated and, above all, hidden.  Going through life resenting, or at best, trying to ignore our cycles can erode our physical and emotional health.  How unfortunate that we have come to think of something so powerful and mysterious as a “nuisance!”

Rudolf Steiner, founder of the Waldorf Schools, believed that at adolescence the heart awakens into a deeper feeling life, and the emerging adult begins looking into the larger world to sense the individual destiny that awaits, beyond the immediate family.  Girls are looking at the world to see what the future holds for them as women.  The more we can greet this new awareness with creative and inspiring experiences, the more our children can be assured that their awakening dreams have a place in the world.

There is a women’s tradition regarding our cycles that we ourselves are only beginning to remember.  It begins with respecting the fact that we are cyclic creatures. Many women are surprised to find that when they simply attune to their cycles with interest, their PMS or cramping will be relieved.  Such is the body’s need for our loving attention.

Generally, a woman’s cycle is like the moon’s cycle.  She will find that she has days of bright, social energy and days of more quiet introspection.  Each of these has its value. Everyone needs quiet time to balance days full of activity.  Acknowledging and supporting these rhythms in even small ways can be enormously comforting.  There are beautifully designed charts available that can be used to record different aspects of our daily lives and assist us in discovering the patterns that are true for each of us.  Simple personal rituals that mark the monthly rhythms in our lives, such as putting on a red bracelet, writing in a special journal, or claiming one hour for time alone, help us to synchronize with our bodies.  Many Native American traditions have considered women to be more receptive to inspiration from the spiritual realms near the time of their periods, or their “moontime.” Many women find that they enjoy writing or become more creative then.  When we recognize these opportunities they can enrich us.

Many of us were raised with little understanding of our own bodies and feminine cycles. The information we received was usually from textbooks, often technical and cold.  We felt shame, not pride, in our developing womanhood.  How different it would be if a mother could welcome her daughter into a tradition of women, take the time to consider her changes with her, and create a sustaining ritual that would resonate within her imagination.  It can be a rewarding journey to rediscover, with our daughters, the traditions and stories passed down that hold women and their rhythms in high regard.  Can we change the way in which we view our own bodies and help our daughters approach this passage with pride?

It is this question and sense of celebration that is at the heart of the classes I offer to girls and their families.  The classes introduce the positive aspects of the menstrual cycle, include craft projects, which become lovely keepsakes, and conclude with a crowning ceremony and treats! Usually, mothers and daughters attend the day together and family members may be invited to the ending ceremony, depending on the wishes of the group.  Girls can be assured that they will not be put on the spot or asked to say or do anything they don’t want to.  They will just learn, share and have fun!  It is the greatest reward to see the wonder and relief on girls’ faces as they share in this form of celebration honoring their new maturity.

Before our class date, I find it very helpful to meet with mothers or parents as a group to discuss their concerns and share my basic ideas.  This also gives us time to consider our own adolescence and how it may be influencing the way in which we deal with our children. 

Parents can find themselves feeling surprisingly inarticulate our “stuck” in addressing their child’s adolescence. This may be because of unresolved issues in themselves that cause discomfort when their children begin to go through the same stage.  Simply going back and having a loving conversation with our own “inner adolescent,” and offering the words and support that were unavailable at the time, can free us to be more present for our children. It is the beginning of an inner conversation that may lead parents to write some words, draw a picture, or find some other way to bring healing into their own pasts.  Some may choose to share this experience with their children when the time feels right.

It is so rare for women to come together to talk about this aspect of our lives that mothers’ enthusiasm to share their experiences can seem to dominate the girls’ day! This is one reason I have found the mothers’ meeting to be so valuable.  During this meeting, as during the class, so much is shared and treasured that we always wish we had more time.

In the all-day class for mothers and daughters, mothers may share personal stories, hopes and wishes for their daughters, and we all reflect on what this passage means to us.  The girls make small dolls, which are delightful in their originality and helpful allies for a time of change.  We share songs and stories, the girls make crowns and mothers make small gifts for their daughters.  Each girl decorates a symbolic rose that she agrees to give to her mother when she gets her first period.  Handouts and workbook pages are sent home as well.

Fifth and sixth grade is often an ideal age for the class, helping the girls gain a sense of assurance about this issue before encountering the added pressures of Junior High.  Sometimes interest develops for ongoing classes involving more creative activities and age-appropriate information to address girls’ rapidly changing sense of self.

Families, of course, are encouraged to continue this sense of celebration at home with their own ceremonies, which can be adapted to suit different family traditions, religious beliefs and personalities. Families can plan even very simple events in which a few moments and meaningful words can have lasting significance. In this way we can teach our daughters how to anticipate and support the physical and emotional shifts  that will occur as they mature.

Similar classes are now being taught throughout the U.S., thanks to the inspiration and pioneering work of Tamara Slayton, who has been helping women to reclaim the significance of the menstrual cycle for over 15 years, and with whom I was fortunate enough to study. It is wonderful to be involved in creating new messages and traditions that will help girls retain pride in their bodies and abilities throughout their lives.

 This is a copy of an article by Barbara Hannelore’ that first appeared in Santa Barbara Family Life Magazine in January, 1999.© 1999 entire contents. This article may be distributed freely for no charge but may not be republished in part or full without author’s permission.